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Thread: Humor thread

  1. #126
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    Re: Humor thread

    A blonde friend of mine asked me if I knew what IDK stood for. I said, "I don't know." She said, "Does anybody? You're the 50th person I have asked and none of you knew the answer."
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

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  3. #127
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    Re: Humor thread

    Can someone from the UK help me out here. Here's my friend's dilemma:

    "I have a Benefits Question:

    Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year-old daughter. After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to visit a number of times, and he fell in love with my step-daughter. My father eventually married her without my authorization.

    As a result, my step-daughter legally became my step-mother and my father my son-in-law. My father's wife (also my step-daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step-daughter's mother. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father. As you can see, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father's wife. Therefore, it appears that I am also my wife's grandchild.

    A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father's brother-in-law, the step-son of my father's wife, and my uncle. My son is also my step-mother's brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather. In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following:

    Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law, and my step-mother's brother fulfill the requirements for receiving childcare benefits in the UK?
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

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  5. #128
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    Re: Humor thread

    .........
    freedom.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  7. #129
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    Re: Humor thread

    pillow.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  9. #130
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    Re: Humor thread

    A wife was standing naked looking at herself in the mirror and said to her husband, "I can't believe it. My arms have sagging muscles, my boobs are dropping, my butt is fat, my wrinkles have wrinkles, is there anything positive about me?"

    The husband replied, "Well, your eyesight is still 20/20."

    The swelling of his eyes should go down in about 4 days so he can see again.
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

  10. #131
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    Re: Humor thread

    A wife was standing naked looking at herself in the mirror and said to her husband, "I can't believe it. My arms have sagging muscles, my boobs are dropping, my butt is fat, my wrinkles have wrinkles, is there anything positive about me?"

    The husband replied, "Well, your eyesight is still 20/20."

    The swelling of his eyes should go down in about 4 days so he can see again.
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

  11. #132
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    Re: Humor thread

    So Ole the lumberjack finally breaks down and buys a chainsaw on the store assurance that he would be able to cut 10 cords of wood a day with it. After 3 days Ole comes back into the sore and complains that the most he can cut is 6 cords, The clerk can't understand what the problem might be so he grabs the saw and pulls on the starter rope,"Vroom" it goes. "What's that noise?" Ole asks...!
    It seems like in this "industry" common sense is not all that common!

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  13. #133
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    Re: Humor thread

    trump.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  15. #134
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    Re: Humor thread

    customers.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  17. #135
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    Re: Humor thread

    robot.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  19. #136
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    Re: Humor thread

    fight.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  21. #137
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    Re: Humor thread

    tooth.jpg
    ..............
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  23. #138
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    Re: Humor thread

    never.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  25. #139
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    Re: Humor thread

    1920.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  27. #140
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    Re: Humor thread

    crayon.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  29. #141
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    Re: Humor thread

    personality.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  31. #142
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in America......

    .

    Oval Office Fumigated After Complaints Of Overwhelming Smell Of Bullshit

    oval bs.jpg

    A PARADE of trucks, from several competing fumigation service providers, were seen lining up outside the White House at 7am this morning following reports that the Oval Office may have become infested with noxious bullshit.

    Many concerned citizens working in buildings in the surrounding Washington DC area complained about the overwhelming stench shortly after the office of the President issued a press release yesterday evening confirming FBI Director James Comey had been fired by President Trump.

    “You know, it’s the kind of smell that just lodges itself up in your nose, and gives your gag reflex something to think about,” shared one person who could smell it all the way from his office in the Senate building.

    People from far away as Florida, California and Texas subsequently reported the smell to the relevant authorities shortly after the Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, who had recused himself from being directly involved in a probe into the Trump administration’s alleged ties with Russia, fired the man who was leading the probe.

    In a bid to sanitise and clean up the stench, rival fumigation firms have confirmed they will have to work around the clock and have been candid about the task ahead.

    “We can’t be certain, but that office may never be the same again,” bullshit suction pump operator Guillem Sanchez shared with WWN before screaming “we’re going to need a bigger suction pump” to a nearby colleague.

    Despite the pungent odour emanating from the Oval Office, President Trump tweeted just moments ago confirming that he couldn’t smell anything.
    Oval Office Fumigated After Complaints Of Overwhelming Smell Of Bullshit – Waterford Whispers News
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  33. #143
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    Re: Humor thread

    I am getting really nervous and concerned. I swallowed a large ice cube yesterday and I still haven't passed it.
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

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  35. #144
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    Re: Humor thread

    President Trump gets a late night call from Hillary Clinton. She tells him that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has died, and she wants to take her place. Trump tells her it is OK with him if it is OK with the funeral home. Hillary smashes her phone with a hammer.
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

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  37. #145
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    Re: Humor thread

    I have people all the time telling me that I don't know Jack ****. That's not true.

    Jack **** is the only son of Aww **** who married Oh ****, owners of Knee Deep in ****, Inc. Jack **** married No ****. The couple had 6 children: Holy ****, Giva ****, Fulla ****, Bull ****, and the twins Deep **** and Dip ****. Deep **** married Dumb ****, a college dropout.
    After 15 years, Jack & No **** divorced. No **** married Ted Sherlock and became No **** Sherlock.

    So as you can see when people tell me that I don't know Jack ****, I can say, "Yes I do!"
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

  38. #146
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    Re: Humor thread

    One for the Aussies!!!!

    pauline.jpg

    The woman in the pic is Australian Senator Pauline Hanson founder of the One Nation political party....20 years ago her platform was to stop the "Asian invasion"...today it's ban the burka and ban Islam...
    Couple of weeks ago in an attempt to prove that the full burqua is a security risk she wore one into parliament and over acted when taking it off thinking that people would be shocked but all the politicians and security knew it was her....
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauline_Hanson
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  40. #147
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    Re: Humor thread

    text.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  42. #148
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    Re: Humor thread

    manual.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  44. #149
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    Re: Humor thread

    nuke.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  46. #150
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    Re: Humor thread

    ..........
    teenager.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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